Geek or fan? I have a bad feeling about this


Yeah, are you a geek?

I’m wearing a Chanel-esque cardigan from Dorothy Perkins, high-heeled suede boots and lip gloss. I can never remember how to calculate percentages never mind Stardate reckonings, and although I can ask for a glass of wine in all earth languages, I am teetotal in Klingon. So what could have prompted such a question? Turns out pulling my limited edition Star Wars Moleskine notebook from my Mulberry Calder to take notes during a meeting immediately transformed me into geek-girl.

I tend to use the term geek for someone a lot smarter than me so I turned to my trusty side-kick Google for a more accurate definition  – is that geeky; perhaps I should have used a traditional dictionary? Interestingly there are a number of geek only dating sites, unimaginatively called gk2gk and geekdate. Seek-a-geek promises you someone who can wage verbal warfare over an episode of Doctor Who, who I presume also likes long walks on the beach, and NerdPassions offers those who speak Linux and Unix the chance to mate.

Wikipedia explains a geek can be anything from an 18th century circus freak to someone who uses multivariate calculus when cooking. I’m too pretty for the former and too dumb for the latter. I just really like Star Wars.

Star Wars has been an integral part of my life since I saw the movie about 800 times in 1977. In those days repeat viewings meant going back to the cinema, and I remember standing up at the end for the National Anthem. The UK anthem, not the Rebel Alliance. At first I was in love with Luke Skywalker (with a healthy itch for bad-boy stormtroopers on the side), but by 1980 when they made Luke all tortured and limp in Empire I transferred my love to Han. This has never wavered although Indiana Jones meant I had to start cheating. I had Star Wars bed linen and posters; a vinyl recording of the movie soundtrack; an Imperial Walker – surely the only way to travel – various figurines, which I stupidly took out of the original wrapping; stormtrooper Pez guns and the best frickin’ lightsabre ever. There is still a life size cardboard cut-out of Han in my attic I occasionally climb up to lick. When they released the 20 year anniversary movies and merchandise I bought a small Millennium Falcon, which hung from my rear view mirror so I could blast London traffic out of my way. I used to make laser gun sounds too. Pwung-pweeeuung and so on.

Nothing like a Polo

I’m a purist Star Wars fan though. I remember the excitement when they released the Phantom Menace: I could barely breathe. My boyfriend, who had zero interest in Star Wars and was slightly jealous of Han, bought us tickets for the first showing in Leicester Square. I have never been so excited since – or so disappointed.  It was like seeing your first love with a beer gut and eight children. Or seeing how they make sausages. I’m not ashamed to admit to you I cried real geek tears.

Right I’m off to learn Linux.

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