Having enjoyed a comely salad of butter beans, walnuts, red onions, courgettes, sultanas and wheat free soy sauce, I was perturbed to turn around and find myself confronted with the particular (and possibly unprecedented) problem of a head on collision involving a suede bag, feta cheese and a stolen sachet of sugar from Starbucks. Having dealt with the situation admirably I was delighted to find Santa’s secret stash of Christmas sherry under my bed. Fortified wine to fortify my troubled nerves indeed; although I am now slightly squiffy.
Hic.
Writing the Long Way Around 
I like your new wallpaper. That’s all.
Have you finished playing in Glasgow?
No. But Edinburgh is better, I concede.
I had to look up the word ‘squiffy’ because of you. Good word to know ;)