To the driver who drove the wrong way around a very busy multi-storey car park in order to score a space before the drivers in front of him:

I have never managed to work out whether you and your brethren are supremely arrogant or supremely stupid: which is it? Do tell. Are the big yellow arrows painted on the ground irrelevant or perplexing to you? Is following the car in front when in doubt simply too much to hope from you? Whatever your reasoning, you should know I have coated my bedroom in goat’s blood so I can visit a plague, a pox and a curse on you and your children. And your children’s children. And their children and so on and so forth until your bloodline peters out, which after much inbreeding and Iceland mega deals I predict will be soon. I wish upon you a lifetime of unexplained rectal bleeding, cold sores and ingrown toenails. I curse you with a side helping of conjunctivitis, chlamydia and cystitis; a smattering of projectile diarrhoea when you bend over and a touch of cholera when you stand up.  You, who are so far down the food chain plankton don’t know what to call you, should be taken outside the fences of our land and stoned. With wet sponges and rotten flans. I hope the dour faced bag sitting next to you in your vehicle of pure annoyance is your wife and that she makes your life a daily living hell.

I despise and loathe you with the heat of a nova. Thanks for reading.

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