Social Faux Pas number 1:
Me: Are you the chap I need to see about getting blue roll from stores?
Construction Guy: No. That’s Ian
M: Which one is Ian? The younger one?
CG: Thanks a lot. Well, yes Ian is a couple of years younger than me.
M: *fumbles* I didn’t mean…so who are you?
CG: Well they call me Thunder.
M: *?*
M: Is Ian the taller one?
CG: So I am short and old to you then?
M: It’s ok. I’m not desperate for the blue roll.
Social faux pas number 2:
Me: Oh you’re not together?
Pregnant Viewer: No. I am just helping him find the best apartment.
M: Well this is a nice apartment however if you do have a bigger budget, we can find you a larger and much more central apartment.
Man Viewer: Oh, maybe I should spend a bit more. I could go to £1100 a month.
M: I know a fabulous mews apartment in Scotland Street with a garage, three bedrooms …
PV: Fabulous! And when he is away, I can use his apartment for parties and trips to Edinburgh for shopping!
M: Well, not too many parties in your condition!
PV: What condition?
M: Your baby.
PV: I’m not pregnant.
M:*?*
M: Let me call the office and see if Scotland Street is still available…
Writing the Long Way Around 
Pork-ass bitches oughtta get over ’emselves! Sistah’s gotta make a livin’ in ‘dem show flats, she don’t need no touchy lard-butt makin’ her job even harda. Respec’!
I shall never let you forget that you said pork-ass. You is like a Scottish 50Cent; word.
Not faux-pas my dear; other people being overly touchy. ;)
Thank you Wyrd Wench!
Oh…. I was once told that one should never, ever refer to a lady as being pregnant unless one can actually see a baby emerging from her. It was, as I recall, in a list of rules that also included “never lick a steak knife”. ho hum.
Was she a touchy fatty or did she laugh it off?
She hated me with the heat of a nova but played it cool in front of the man. My bad!
Fantastic. There is a lady at my work like that……. All the fat is piled up at the front and makes her look very very pregnant. Eternally pregnant. Such a bizzare image.
CG was a happy chap wasn’t he! I can tell from his responses he is one of lifes eternal optimists.
Oh, and ‘hated you with the heat of a nova’ is good. Very good.
I am lucky that mine is distributed. Still working out what 200ft might equate to.
About 62 metres or so.
Maybe around 11th or 12th floor in an office block.