Two in a Row

Social Faux Pas number 1:

Me: Are you the chap I need to see about getting blue roll from stores?

Construction Guy: No. That’s Ian

M: Which one is Ian? The younger one?

CG: Thanks a lot. Well, yes Ian is a couple of years younger than me.

M: *fumbles* I didn’t mean…so who are you?

CG: Well they call me Thunder.

M: *?*

M: Is Ian the taller one?

CG: So I am short and old to you then?

M: It’s ok. I’m not desperate for the blue roll.

Social faux pas number 2:

Me: Oh you’re not together?

Pregnant Viewer: No. I am just helping him find the best apartment.

M: Well this is a nice apartment however if you do have a bigger budget, we can find you a larger and much more central apartment.

Man Viewer: Oh, maybe I should spend a bit more. I could go to £1100 a month.

M: I know a fabulous mews apartment in Scotland Street with a garage, three bedrooms …

PV: Fabulous! And when he is away, I can use his apartment for parties and trips to Edinburgh for shopping!

M: Well, not too many parties in your condition!

PV: What condition?

M: Your baby.

PV: I’m not pregnant.


M: Let me call the office and see if Scotland Street is still available…

9 thoughts on “Two in a Row

  1. Pork-ass bitches oughtta get over ’emselves! Sistah’s gotta make a livin’ in ‘dem show flats, she don’t need no touchy lard-butt makin’ her job even harda. Respec’!

  2. Oh…. I was once told that one should never, ever refer to a lady as being pregnant unless one can actually see a baby emerging from her. It was, as I recall, in a list of rules that also included “never lick a steak knife”. ho hum.
    Was she a touchy fatty or did she laugh it off?

  3. Fantastic. There is a lady at my work like that……. All the fat is piled up at the front and makes her look very very pregnant. Eternally pregnant. Such a bizzare image.
    CG was a happy chap wasn’t he! I can tell from his responses he is one of lifes eternal optimists.

    Oh, and ‘hated you with the heat of a nova’ is good. Very good.

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