I have exhausted myself just being myself this week. When you don’t feel well or you are tired, things tend to look a bit more gloomy. This past week I have been battling some sort of flu/sick virus and panicking about the lack of money and work, and wondering how I am going to pay for things next month; I feel like I am playing catch up on so many things right now across all aspects of my life and I am just tired! Really tired. I am exhausted, knackered, wiped out, tired from the inside out, burning the candle at both ends, fraught and buggered.
In addition to this, or because of this, I have also been trying to work out how to unwrite all the posts in this blog because I know that my writing is too primitive, too stupid, too naive and certainly not good enough for anyone to read. I could delete the blog but I have told friends about here and I don’t want to have to delete them as well. If for no other reason than I am too exhausted to find new friends. Also I don’t remember how to be charming or sociable. I cannot believe I told anyone about here and I don’t know how to spell the noise you make when you blow a raspberry so please take this as notice that I am currently blowing raspberries at everything.
The course (which I love) has drop kicked me so far out of my comfort zone as far as my vision and experience of myself as a writer that I think I am experiencing an adjustment crisis. Or an existential crisis – gosh I have been waiting my whole life to use that in a sentence, although I have probably used it incorrectly.
Before this turns into one long pity party, I shall stop here, because really, it’s not so bad.